Spike Jonze’s Her (2013) is a film about AI companions. It’s set in the near future and explores a world only slightly more technologically advanced than Jonze’s own. Theodore (played by Joaquin Pheonix) is going through a painful divorce and struggling to come to terms with the end of his marriage. Feeling lonely, he decides to start a relationship with a new AI “operating system” he has seen advertised.
After Theodore has set up an account and answered a few questions, his new OS introduces themselves. Their name is “Samantha” and they are voiced by Scarlett Johansson. It doesn’t take long before Theodore starts to fall in love with this disembodied voice who turns out to represent – unsurprisingly – everything he could wish for in a female partner.
Ironically, Theodore works as a writer for a company providing romantic letters to help people express themselves more effectively in their relationships. Meanwhile, Theodore’s friend Amy (Amy Adams), a video game developer, is on her own parallel journey. She also has an AI companion, but their relationship is platonic and related to a work project.
Why Her is prescient of today
A few things have happened lately that reminded me of Her and the sharp insights contained in its plot:
- OpenAI CEO Sam Altman and iPhone designer Sir Jony Ive announced they’re developing a “new family of products“. The Wall Street Journal reported that Altman sees these “companions” integrating seamlessly into everyday life. Forbes magazine noted that they’ll be potentially screenless and fully aware.
- Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg suggested that we all need chatbot friends. After arguing that the average person only has “fewer than 3 friends…[but] demand for meaningfully more…something like 15 friends”, he talked about Meta providing AI friends, therapists and romantic partners to plug this social gap. Take a look at Meta’s Codec Avatars for some truly uncanny valley stuff. Zuckerberg’s words immediately sparked headlines and privacy concerns.
- Harvard Business Review published research showing the number 1 use of AI is therapy / companionship. While the report’s author rather skimmed over the aspect of romantic companionship, users on social media were more alarmed, suggesting that this area demanded more attention.
Parasocial relationships
In her new book, The New Age of Sexism, Laura Bates argues that AI girlfriends, in particular, embody a hyper-feminised ideal and reinforce problematic gender stereotypes. As they get to know each other, Samantha increasingly fulfills Theodore’s desires and fantasies while their relationship conveniently sidelines the complexities of real-world intimacy and the need for constant negotiation and compromise. Film the Right Thing (FTRT) recently posted their reflections on “Her” ten years on. They loved the film but argued that the central parasocial relationship it describes isn’t healthy.
FTRT point out that many of us now build our own parasocial connections on social media: focusing on entertainment, following influencers and celebrities, while posting less and less of our own content. Laura Bates argues that social media is a microcosm of what is about to happen with AI.
The fact that social media is now bloated, enshittified and over-reliant on algorithms has not escaped the notice of social platform owners. Social media is over, said Mark Zuckerberg last month. There’s been a paradigm shift admitted Instagram’s CEO, Adam Mosseri: people are moving from public interactions on the timeline to (less trackable) private spaces like direct messages and group chats. Twitter (now X) was probably a failed experiment, said co-founder Evan Williams at the end of the BBC documentary, Breaking the Bird.
Comments like these all beg the question…what comes after social media?
What happens now?
Her has an upbeat ending, by the way. Theodore is ultimately “saved” by the strength of his existing human relationships. I appreciate this in a film that otherwise might be seen as dystopian. The candy-coloured production design, well-written script and sensitive acting all help lift the storyline. If you haven’t yet seen Her, I highly recommend it.
Humans may be smart, but we don’t always know what’s best for us. That’s why technology companies must proceed with caution. It was refreshing to hear Jony Ive stress that care will be at the forefront of any AI product he creates. But people with the integrity (and vision) of Jony Ive are rare. It’s all too easy to forget ethics and guardrails when building future technologies, especially when the race is on, as we are seeing today between companies like OpenAI and Meta.
Main image: Her (Annapurna Films)
Jemima Gibbons
Ethnography, user research and digital strategy for purpose-led organisations. Author of Monkeys with Typewriters, featured by BBC Radio 5 and the London Evening Standard.
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